


Coming Out in the Worst Way

by jazzykatz



Series: Those Crazy South Park Days [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Underage Drinking, one-sided Cartman/OFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 14:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15026183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzykatz/pseuds/jazzykatz
Summary: Kyle's happy with his girlfriend, right? Everyone's getting laid left and right, and now Kyle feels like he needs to keep up with his friends. Sadly, his girlfriend knows better.





	Coming Out in the Worst Way

**Author's Note:**

> I just really love this AU (and Elizabeth and Alice), so I wanted to add onto it. This is a one-shot, because in my heart Kyle isn't straight. This story is the prelude to another story, the third in the series, where it gets crazy.
> 
> Update 6/26: Omitted an unnecessary part because if I leave it in I'm screwing myself when it comes to the fourth story.

Something was up with Kyle, and it involved his girlfriend. Elizabeth wasn’t stupid, the way he would act antsy around her, almost nervous and jittery. He almost felt like Tweek on a good day, but it was always around _her_. It seemed to start a month after Alice and Kenny finally gave in to their desires and did the deed, because with the increase in Kenny’s mood, the more nervous Kyle became. Like, suddenly, all his friends - save for Cartman - were getting laid, and he was the last one left out of the fun. It didn’t help when Craig and Token were talking about Tweek and Bebe with veiled hints about how they were in bed, while even Jimmy had himself a girlfriend, and was proud to say how hot she was.

 

Peer pressure was an awful thing to witness, and while no one was actively telling Kyle to bite the bullet and bang his girlfriend, he gradually started to feel like he had something to prove. The problem was that his girlfriend was Elizabeth Horowitz, a girl known for her violence against those who did her wrong and the way she could cut you in half with a simple glare. All the boys were afraid of her, except for a certain Fatass, and Kyle was proud that his girlfriend didn’t take shit from anyone, but it still didn’t mean that he was a little scared of what she may do if she realized he wanted to take their relationship further.

 

Stan understood his plight, because he was dating Wendy Testaburger. She was a feminist with the ability to lecture someone under the table and also took no shit from anyone, however according to Stan, she was a nympho in bed.

 

“Liz isn’t going to kill you.” Stan insisted, “Fuck, Kyle, it’s not like you’re some creepy old guy she never met before, you’re her boyfriend. She’ll understand why you want to get your dick wet.”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes at Stan’s crass choice of words. “If I had your way with words, I would have been shot in the head for admitting to her that ‘I wanted to get my dick wet’.”

 

Kenny snorted, “Dude, Alice uses those words and she’s not ashamed.”

 

Stan couldn’t help but laugh, “Alice is a freak, Kenny, from what you tell us.”

 

His blonde friend waggled his eyebrows, “Boy is she.”

 

Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose, “Stop!”

 

The only one who didn’t talk yet was Cartman, but he never said a word when Kyle would bring up his relationship. Mostly because he was still wearing the ankle monitor the judge had forced him on after Elizabeth and her father had taken him to court. He never looked happy at the fact that Kyle talked about Elizabeth, and it further annoyed him when Kyle brought up having sex with the girl.

 

“Elizabeth is classy, you know.” Butters finally chimed in. “She’s like a classic book, Kyle. So much substance that the style comes naturally.” He smiled at his friend, “Be a gentleman, court her and treat the girl like you want to be treated.”

 

It was the best answer he’s heard all day, and Kyle finally looked less bothered. “Gee, Butters, that’s pretty deep.”

 

Butters laughed nervously, “Well, shucks, it ain’t rocket science, yanno. Girls are princesses, ya gotta treat em like royalty.”

 

“Elizabeth is more of a Queen than a princess.” Cartman finally said, effectively putting the conversation to an uneasy halt. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stared at him, eventually shrugging and going about another topic.

* * *

 

When Elizabeth arrived at school one day, she was graced with a dozen roses. A nervous freshman was holding them, grinning sheepishly and keeping a safe distance because _all boys_ knew about Elizabeth Horowitz.

 

“Thank you?” She questioned, taking them hesitantly.

 

“Just the messenger, miss.” The boy said, finally backing away. “Check the card!” He ran then, just in case.

 

Elizabeth’s lips pressed into a thin line while she studied the bouquet, putting them up to her nose to take in their scent before her hand found the card that was attached. She pulled it out and read it carefully.

 

_It’s not Valentine’s Day yet but you deserve roses anyway, with love, Kyle. :)_

 

That was the start of the two-week wooing of Elizabeth Horowitz. She arrived to school each day and received small gifts from Kyle, delivered to her from freshman kids. Roses, candy, poems, trinkets and things that had a hidden meaning to both of them. They weren’t lavish, and it was always a small box, as he understood she enjoyed the message more than the gift itself.

 

She always sat by herself at lunch, even though the girls had invited her to sit with them a long time ago. Wendy was a good friend, but she couldn’t stand Bebe. In her lap was a small packet of replacement strings for her violin, the latest gift that was given to her. Despite the gifts, Kyle kept his distance, as if he was playing the waiting game and giving Elizabeth her space to take in all the trinkets. She caught his eyes in the lunchroom and smiled, seeing Kyle smiling back with a faint blush.

 

“I think this is cute as fuck.” Alice’s voice startled her, and she glared at her sister slightly. Alice only grinned from her seat across from Elizabeth and settled her elbows on the table. “So, word is he’s trying to romance the shit outta you.”

 

Elizabeth flushed slightly, “I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t working.” She admitted calmly.

 

“Word also is that he’s got a reservation to Buca Di Faggoncini next Friday, so I hope you got a good dress he hasn’t seen yet.” She tried to wink, but hated the fact that winking lost its power when you had one eye to work with.

 

Elizabeth went ridged at the news, “Sweet Moses, I’m going out on a date.”

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Alice chuckled.

 

“I never been on a date!” She stared at her sister in a panic, “What do people do on dates? What’s the social protocol? Do I let him get the doors? I don’t even like that sort of thing! I can get my own fucking door, Alice! What if he’s like those mormon boys who--”

 

“Whoa there!” Alice held up her hands, “Hold on, Liz. One- He’s not mormon. Two- just be yourself, and by that I mean be less like you than possible.”

 

Elizabeth glared at her. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You come off as aggressive.” She said simply, “Sometimes I wonder if you secretly get off on making boys suffer.”

 

Elizabeth flushed a bright red, “Alice!”

 

Kenny suddenly appeared, and as it seemed, he appeared because Kyle saw how flustered Elizabeth was getting and sent Kenny over to drag his girlfriend away. “Al.” He interrupted the two of them, smiling down at his girl. “I have a problem that needs to be looked at, in the storage room in the basement.” He winked down at her.

 

Alice shoved herself from the table and took the bait, leading Kenny away.

 

Elizabeth groaned pitifully when she was gone, slumping forward and slamming her head on the table.

 

“You don’t look well.” Wendy’s voice was suddenly next to her, and she looked up at the girl sadly. “Are you alright, Liz?”

 

Elizabeth opened her mouth, then shut it, thinking it over and soon uttering a squeak. “I got a date.”

 

It was like writing her own death warrant, saying those four words in front of Wendy. Suddenly she was surrounded by girls, Heidi, Bebe, Red, Nichole, Nelly, Jenny, Lola, Millie, Esther, Sally. It was suddenly overwhelming, but didn’t say anything when Bebe decided they all should go dress shopping on Saturday, making a date to take care of things on Elizabeth’s end.

 

“She’s going to have to get waxed.” Lola said, “Boys love that no-hair look.” She said suggestively.

 

“W-waxed?” Elizabeth looked like a scared deer.

 

“Oh my god, this can be a girls night!” Red squealed, “Right, Liz, you’re coming to Bebe’s house after school, we’re going to do you up so pretty that Kyle’s going to just go nuts!”

 

The boys looked on from their table, Kyle had his head in his hands while Stan was laughing nervously. Cartman snorted in amusement, “She looks like she’s going to faint.” He commented.

 

Kyle groaned, “I regret everything.”

* * *

 

Elizabeth desperately tried to avoid the girl’s night out, she did her damndest to get away, but Alice took the car before she could get to it and Bebe intercepted her before she could take shelter in Stan’s jeep, actively putting up a fight in front of Kyle as Red and Lola dragged her away.

 

“Help me!” She screamed. She even begged Cartman for help, fuck the restraining order.

 

Cartman couldn’t help but grin at the desperation, only waving at her tauntingly as she was taken away.

 

Kenny howled with laughter at the sight, and Stan was trying to help Kyle and reassure him that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 

Marjorine was there, Elizabeth realized, the petite blonde taking charge of the group once Elizabeth was locked away in the basement of the Stevens House.

 

“Oh dear.” She frowned, “You girls were rough on her, were you?”

 

“Please, please, please, let me go.” Elizabeth whispered, hoping Butters could hear her. “Marjorine!”

 

Marjorine frowned sympathetically and used the brush in her hand to straighten Elizabeth’s messy hair. “Everything is going to be alright, Liz. We’re here to help you, not hurt you.”

 

“Marjorine’s right.” Wendy laid a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, “I know you’re not used to this sort of thing, Liz. Let it be a learning experience!”

 

Bebe grinned, “Right, now let’s start the fun.”

 

 

Elizabeth wasn’t used to this, at all. She thought it was some sort of forgotten medieval torture porn, the way that Lola insisted on getting her waxed. She didn’t even know what a bikini line even was, eliciting laughter from the girls before she was shoved behind a curtain so Lola could handle it. After ten minutes Marjorine was called in to help talk Elizabeth down, the girl having a way with words and finally getting Elizabeth calm enough to accept the torture.

 

Girly things like this wasn’t even on her radar. She never even had a manicure or a pedicure, or shaved her legs. She only shaved what was logical, and apparently that was wrong in Bebe’s eyes. She was taught how to shave her legs correctly, and then forced to sit down as they soaked her feet. Luckily her eyebrows were deemed perfect enough to escape plucking, and then what was left was her unruly hair.

 

Alice arrived while Elizabeth had a facemask plastered to her skin, and she took out her phone to snap a picture.

 

“ _I’m going to end you_.” Elizabeth said in a threatening tone.

 

Marjorine came to Alice’s rescue quickly, “H-hey Alice, honey, no.” She dragged Alice towards the stairs and whispered to her friend, “Liz requested no photographic evidence, okay? Let’s respect her wishes.”

 

Alice pouted, “I’m her sister though, the rule doesn’t pertain to me.”

 

Marjorine gave Alice a stern glare, “Alice. Phone. Now.” She held out her hand.

 

Alice whined, handing over her phone and watching Marjorine delete the photo and put her phone with the others.

* * *

 

Kyle tried for the fifth time to call his girlfriend, groaning when he was again met with her voicemail. His sudden want to give her this fantastic night out had inadvertently sent her into the terrifying den of the Popular Girls, and he was starting to wonder if he had made a mistake.

 

“What if she dumps me?” He fretted, “What if this whole weekend turns out to be something mentally scarring for her and she ends up dumping me?” He looked at his friends.

 

“Better yet, what if this whole weekend makes her realize how much she’s attracted to chicks and prefers to munch carpets than suck dong?” Kenny grinned.

 

Kyle couldn’t throw his pillow at Kenny hard enough. “Motherfucking Christ, Ken! That’s not funny!”

 

Cartman couldn’t help but laugh, also receiving a pillow thrown at him. “Ey!”

 

“It’s going to be okay, dude.” Stan said reassuringly, “Hey, Wends is giving me updates on Liz every hour, so far everything’s going fine.” He held up his phone.

 

“They have her for the whole weekend, Stan.” Kyle continued to fret.

 

“Tonight is probably the worst of it,” Kenny offered, “Your girlfriend is a girl, Kyle, she’s going to learn how to act like one someday.”

 

Cartman was too busy thinking back to her pleading at him for help, remembering how hot that moment was.

 

Kyle hung his head, “I’m starting to wonder if this was the worst idea in the world.”

 

“Dude,” Stan sighed, “This is your first date with Liz after how many months?”

 

“Four.” Kyle offered, “Next Friday is Valentines Day, her birthday.”

 

Stan smiled then, “You’re giving her a great present for her seventeenth birthday, Kyle.”

 

Kenny’s eyes widened at the realization, “Oh shit, I’ve been banging a sixteen-year-old.” He laughed then, “Hot damn, don’t tell the cops.”

 

Stan snorted and punched Kenny’s arm playfully. “You fucking perv.”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes, relaxing just slightly. “This is good, right? A Valentine’s Day dinner at an expensive restaurant?”

 

“I woulda taken her to the symphony, but sure, a fucking fake Italian restaurant is good enough for you.” Cartman shrugged.

 

“Fatty sounds jealous.” Kenny grinned.

 

“Fuck you Kinny!” Cartman shot back, “I’m just sayin’ that Buca Di Faggoncini is a stupid place for a romantic night out. She’s a classy chick, for Christ’s sake!”

 

“He’s jealous.” Stan finalized.

 

“It’s fun to hear that Eric Cartman is pining for my fucking girlfriend.” Kyle said flatly, glaring at him.

 

“Isn’t he always?” Kenny asked, “I mean, he thought he was fucking cursed for two weeks and it turned out to be his own boner.” He dodged Cartman’s fist.

 

“I am not after some Jew bitch whore!” Cartman argued.

 

“She fucking hates you anyway, so it’s never going to happen.” Kyle seemed to smile at that, knowing that at least his girlfriend had a sense of decency.

* * *

  

Elizabeth was forced out of her comforting sleeping bag, her so called ‘friends’ hooking arms around the girl and taking her upstairs because the last thing Elizabeth was is a morning person. She was sat down in the kitchen and presented a cup of coffee, while Alice teased her nose with the scent of buttery toast.

 

“She’s still asleep, isn’t she?” Lola questioned, noting that Elizabeth’s eyes were still shut.

 

“Give her two hours.” Alice suggested, grinning when Marjorine burst into giggles.

 

“Actually…” The blonde gave them a wicked grin, making her way to the sink and grabbing the spray hose. “Back away right now or you’ll die a horrible death.” She warned the rest of them.

 

“Wait--” Wendy tried, but it was too late, Marjorine sprayed Elizabeth with ice cold water. The reaction was instant, and Elizabeth shrieked and launched herself backwards, falling off the chair and kicking the coffee all over the floor, scrambling out of the room like she was under attack.

 

“Marjorine!” Wendy shouted, but most of the girls, and Alice, were laughing their asses off. Alice was doubled over, clutching her best friend and cackling.

 

“Don’t encourage her!” Bebe shouted at Alice, but her words fell on deaf ears.

* * *

 

Wendy had shot Stan a text two hours later, suggesting that the boys should hit the mall so Kenny could collect Alice and Marjorine, as they were banned from the day’s activities. Also, Elizabeth needed time with Kyle to lick her wounds.

 

Cartman, despite the restraining order, decided to tag along anyway. He never really listened to it, and even though he was under house arrest he was able to slip off the ankle bracelet and stick it somewhere else. Somewhere along the line, South Park’s police had stopped giving a shit about Eric Cartman’s restrictions.

 

The government system was unfair, in Kyle’s opinion. He ignored the loud crunching of his fat ‘friend’ eating in the car, while Kenny was on his phone with the girlfriend he was going to see in under ten minutes. Stan managed to keep his patience, because _someone_ had to keep Kyle from freaking out today.

 

The group of girls weren’t hard to spot, and the one girl that wasn’t in pastels and bold colors was sitting irritably at the food court while the rest were gossiping amongst each other.

 

“You look like hell.” Kyle mentioned to his girlfriend upon meeting her. Her eyes were tired and she looked ready to skin a cat.

 

“If I still had my curse I would have touched everyone.” She explained simply.

 

Kyle paled slightly and moved to hug her, giving a small nervous laugh. “Let’s not get too outlandish.”

 

“I want them all dead.” Elizabeth insisted. “Please tell me I can kill them, please.”

 

Kyle’s nervous laughter grew, “Liz, no killing anyone.”

 

She grumbled in defeat and nuzzled his neck, her eye twitching when Alice took a picture of the sight.

 

“You can’t kill your sister.” Kyle said it before she asked.

 

Wendy sighed, grabbing Alice’s arm and taking her over to Kenny, “She deserves to be punished.” She told him.

 

Kenny grinned mischievously, “That’s not a punishment, Wends.” He slipped his arms around Alice’s waist, “If anything, that’d be a reward.”

 

Alice laughed when he attacked her neck. “Of if only she knew.” She giggled.

 

Wendy pursed her lips together while Marjorine laughed. “I hate all of you.” She finally stated.

 

Elizabeth mumbled something into Kyle’s neck and pulled him away from the crowd. Her hand found his and she squeezed it. “I feel like I was tortured.”

 

Kyle looked at her, “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

 

She laughed bitterly, “Yes, but...you’re worth it, I guess.” She said the last part quietly, flushing slightly.

 

Kyle became flustered at the words, laughing nervously and smiling.

* * *

 

Friday couldn't arrive fast enough, actually. The week before the big date was full of tension and mounting stress. Mostly on Kyle, as he felt like this was the biggest thing he was preparing for. Friday was the day, the day where he hoped to take their relationship further. It didn't help him that his mother was talking about it, as if it was the deciding point of the future. She loved Elizabeth, adored her. She even had the nerve to tell Kyle how much she looked forward to her future grandchildren. Ike was worse, teasing him about knocking her up on his first time. If it didn't get worse, his _father_ had to sit him down on Wednesday and give him The Talk, hand him a box of condoms and patted him on the back in hopes that Kyle would 'go get em' slugger'.

 

He felt as wired as Tweek was on a daily basis, come Friday. He felt like he was a walking time-bomb, keeping his distance from his girlfriend with the fear that he'd explode into confetti and glitter if she even just touched him. His heart was pounding and he sometimes felt queasy, and often asked Stan how he got over the initial shock. He remembered how Stan would vomit every time Wendy talked to him in gradeschool, and wondered if this was what he was feeling now. That if Elizabeth said a single greeting his way, he'd throw up all over her leather jacket. Gee, Stan was so adorable back when they were children, he was so nervous around the girls he liked.

 

He wondered if he overdressed, and sometimes he wondered if he underdressed. He stared at himself for the fifteenth time in the mirror and wondered if this outfit was good enough or just too much. He groaned, pulling the sweater vest over his head and tossing it into the growing pile of good clothes. A simple shirt and tie? Or is a tie too much? Eventually he had his mother help him, attempting to ease his worries about her bubbeh's first real date. She never counted the other times he dated in grade school, she never liked the girls he dated in grade school. Sometimes even Stan didn't like the girls he dated in gradeschool, but that was his super best friend. Stan was looking out for him. Kyle just wished he would have listened.

 

After a whirlwind of emotions he found himself on the stoop of the Horowitz house, holding a single rose in his hand and adjusting the tie that he wondered was cutting off his air supply. When she opened the door, his stomach flipped. A simple black dress, cut off at the knees. He relaxed just slightly at the fact she wasn't dressed like it was fucking Prom, and handed her the rose while trying to smile and keep it plastered to his face.

 

If she was nervous, it didn't show, and all she could do was return the gesture. "You look handsome." She said finally, as if she had been rehearsing the line all night. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if she had cue cards written out for the entire date. She wasn't just socially defective, she was socially extinct. Somehow, it made him feel better to know that his girlfriend was probably in the same boat as he was, and took her hand to lead her to his parent's car.

 

Little did he know that Elizabeth made an extensive list of topics to talk about on her phone, and checked it every now and then so she could use that list to fill in the awkward silence. They sat in a cozy corner at Buca Di Faggoncini, as if the waiter planned it that way when he saw the two young lovers standing at the entrance. Elizabeth would check her phone every now and then and nervously chew on breadsticks when she couldn't think of anything else to say, after exhausting the entire list of topics in under a half hour.

 

Kyle knew Stan was sending him texts, because he could feel it vibrate every now and then in his pocket. Stan and Kenny, and for some god awful reason, he thought he saw Cartman amongst the patrons of the restaurant, sitting alone across the room, but he wasn't sure, and he didn't want to check. He twirled the noodles in his fork nervously, glancing at her every now and then. She hadn't touched her chicken parm, not at all.

 

"Are you hungry?" He finally asked, the first unrehearsed line of the night.

 

Elizabeth flinched, realized she was being spoken to. "Oh-uh...I was, but now...not so much."

 

Kyle bit his lip for a moment, "It's the breadsticks…"

 

"What?" She asked.

 

"The breadsticks, you had too many." Kyle repeated, "About eight of them."

 

She looked away then, staring at a fake copy of Raphael's The Sistine Madonna.

 

A waiter came up and pulled them from their conversation, startling them as he held onto a bottle of wine to show it to them. "A bottle of our finest Sangiovese, madame and messer." He smiled.

 

Elizabeth was trying to figure out what to say but Kyle was there first. "We didn't order any wine, sir."

 

The waiter grinned at them, "Courtesy of the table over there," He motioned behind him, and Elizabeth leaned slightly aside only to stop and pale drastically, her eyes narrowing at the sight of Cartman hiding behind the menu, waving tauntingly at her.

 

"I'm sorry," Kyle said, "We-"

 

"Leave it here." Elizabeth had somehow finally found her voice, giving the waiter a daring glare until the man set it down quickly and made himself scarce. Kyle looked at her with wide eyes.

 

"L-Liz? We're not even of age-"

 

"We're drinking this wine, Kyle." She said sternly, glaring in the direction of Cartman's table. Kyle's eyes followed her stare and he sputtered, dropping his fork.

 

"W-what the-"

 

Elizabeth ignored him, glaring heatedly at the table and wrenching open the bottle with an astounding force, pouring herself a glass and downing it in one shot.

 

Kyle gaped, "Liz!" He took the bottle away quickly.

 

"What?" She questioned him, challenging his sudden action. "He bought the damn thing, so let's enjoy it."

 

Kyle groaned, "He's trying to bait you, Liz, don't do this-"

 

He stopped suddenly, cringing as a violinist stopped at their table and performed for them. He bared his teeth and glared in Cartman's direction, watching the smug bastard lift his own wine glass to toast him, to toast _them_.

 

Kyle poured himself a glass and took the challenge.

 

* * *

 

They ended up walking home, as neither of them were sober enough to drive. Their mutual hatred for Cartman opened the floodgates and their nervousness drained away with the wine they drank, and suddenly they were loosened up and enjoying the date. The night sky was clear as they wandered home, and Elizabeth leaned against his shoulder while pointing him towards what constellations she saw. Kyle ignored the feeling that Eric Cartman was somehow attempting to help them, because that was a fucking bitter taste in his mouth that he rather not think about. However, he felt better now than he did before the date, with Elizabeth on his arm and her feeling the same way. They took their time walking, sometimes just keeping the silence.

 

They decided to go to Elizabeth's house, as that had less people that would be listening in on poor life decisions and rooting for the best. Richard was still at work, Alice was with Kenny and Butters was in Alice's basement for some reason, but it didn't really matter at the time. Elizabeth led him up to her room and he swallowed thickly. It wasn't like he hadn't been in her room before, he always been inside of those four walls one way or another. Maybe it was because now he was planning to do unseemly things to the room's owner tonight, he laughed nervously, imagining the room becoming self-aware and casting him out the house for revealing his dick to Elizabeth. He had to tell Stan that tomorrow, his friend would get a laugh out of that.

 

She’s the one that shut and locked the door when they were inside, still somewhere in the land of boldness from the alcohol they partook in. She shrugged off her coat and set it aside, moving to sit next to him. They assumed a position they were comfortable with, laying across the bed side by side, holding hands and fully clothed. They did that a lot ever since that first day, because it was somehow comforting. He could feel the wrapped condom in his front pocket, and every time he shifted he could hear it, like it was the only thing in the room that made noise. He was far too super-aware for this.

 

Elizabeth kept herself calm, staring at the ceiling. “Lola ...wanted me waxed…” She didn’t know why she said it, grimacing afterwards as if it was a gross secret.

 

Kyle turned his head to stare at her, his eye twitching nervously. “W-what?”

 

“Never heard of it before.” She went on, though inwardly she was screaming at herself to stop talking. “Bikini wax. It fucking hurt, but I’ve never been smooth down there before.”

 

Kyle continued staring at her, unable to figure out a reply for that supplemental information. His hand twitched, and absentmindedly he wondered if it was a hint for him to begin. He bit his lip, was this a hint? How did this go? Was it too late to call Stan and ask what he did?

 

“We don’t have to do this.” Elizabeth said it just as he sat up. She closed her eyes, sighing. “If-if you don’t…”

 

Kyle watched her, “I do, Liz. Do you?”

 

Elizabeth thought about it, “If I don’t, then all of this was for naught.” She said it mostly to herself, reaching up to caress his cheek. “Just take your time, okay?”

 

Kyle visibly relaxed, holding the hand in his and leaning down to tentatively kiss her. It was something he was used to, kissing her. It was always something nice and felt good. He sometimes wondered about how it would be if it went further, but he’d never thought it’d happen. He always imagined her shoving him away because he once thought she was very prudish or just didn’t feel that way towards him. He’d always remember Stan every time he kissed her, for some reason, because thinking of Stan somehow relaxed his thoughts. He always was there to ease his worries or help him with his relationship. He didn’t really think about how weird it was to think of Stan when he was making out with his girlfriend, because that’s how super best friends worked, right? It was a strong connection that surpassed girlfriends.

 

He found himself able to push on further, finally having the endurance to continue, deepening the kiss while he attempted to touch her chest. Feeling her breathing, her breast, didn’t seem right, he couldn’t touch her chest, it seemed like it was wrong, moving his hands towards her waist instead. He could clearly hear Stan in his head, teasing him about being way too polite with girls.

 

She was still drunk, he just knew it, because suddenly her hand was at his pants, palming his dick in that weird way and Christ, he didn’t expect it at all. He let out a strangled groan and broke the kiss, watching her uneasily, “I--uh--”

 

Elizabeth was flushed, leaning up to kiss him gently, “Sorry--”

 

He shook his head, “No--no! I--just shocked me, I mean--go on?” Why was he fucking asking this, he groaned, feeling embarrassed suddenly and moving to tuck his head in her chest. “God, I’m fucking this up, am I?” He asked.

 

Elizabeth moved her arms to hug him tight, “No, that--I think I went too far--”

 

Kyle whined, “No, no it’s not that, I mean--it was good, really--but--” He fell silent for a second, suddenly digging into his phone, “D-do you mind if I call Stan?”

 

Elizabeth blinked, watching him as he sat up, “I...okay.” She paused then, “If, you think it’ll help, go ahead…”

 

Kyle smiled gratefully at her, moving to kiss her quickly before stumbling out of the room. He darted towards the bathroom, hearing the rings. One, two.

 

 _“Dude, did you do it?”_ Stan’s voice sounded rough, like he was already half-asleep.

 

Kyle bit his lip again, “I--uh, no. Not yet. I--I need help.”

 

Kyle could see his confusion, _“You’re asking for help? It’s fucking sex, man. You climb on, stick it in, bam.”_

 

“Oh thank you for ruining a beautiful moment between me and my girlfriend with your elegant words.” Kyle said flatly, glaring at the door. “Oh, let me just stick it in her, oops, I fucking jizzed.”

 

 _“What do you want me to do? Go over there and coach you?”_ He said sarcastically, _“Kyle, you have a hot piece of ass waiting for you to rock her world and you’re --where are you-- talking to me?”_

 

Kyle groaned, realizing that calling Stan wasn’t helping him at all. “I’m at Liz’s house, Stan.”

 

_“Well that’s good, hopefully Kenny’s not there, cuz I think he’d challenge you to a headboard banging contest.”_

 

Kyle slumped against the wall, “If Kenny was here, he’d be more of a help than you’re being.”

 

_“H-hey! What do you want me to do? Stroke your fragile ego? You’re a fucking star, dude, go in there and make the earth quake! There, you happy?”_

 

“Bye, Stan.” Kyle frowned, finally ending the call.

 

Arguing with Stan wasn’t how this was supposed to go, but god, it somehow worked. He felt energized, ready to actually do something, and he had to call his friend back in the morning and thank him.

 

When he returned to the room, Liz wasn’t in that dress anymore. His phone dropped when he scanned over the lace bra and panties set that was covering her delicately, her attention being torn away from her phone when his dropped. She smiled at him, “Hey…”

 

Kyle had to replay Stan’s stupid words in his head, stepping forward and resuming his earlier position, kissing her now like he meant business. It caught Elizabeth off-guard, and he continued, still too shy to touch her breast and grasping her hip. It was going so well, he thought that was going to be it.

 

Twenty minutes later Kyle had his head in his hands, mortified, laying under the covers with Elizabeth sitting at his side, on her phone again.

 

“I suck.” He whined.

 

“No you don’t.” Elizabeth sighed out.

 

“No, really. I’m horrible!”

 

She moved her hand over to his shoulder and squeezed it, “I’m not mad, Kyle.” She set her phone down to lean against him, “So you couldn’t do it, there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you less of a person, and it’s part of life.”

 

He glared at her, “How can you be so calm, Liz? It--it fucking--went--soft!”

 

Elizabeth pressed her lips together and glanced at her phone again, “Hold on.” She checked it, and suddenly Kyle was glaring at the phone like it caused his problems.

 

“How can you be so cold? Why are you fucking on your phone while I’m having a crisis!”

 

Elizabeth looked nervously at him. “I…” She finally handed it to him, “I went on Quora, while you were in the bathroom. I go there often because it’s easy to be anonymous.”

 

He took her phone, looking at the forum. He heard of Quora, it was a glorified version of the old Yahoo Answers. Depending on who you were, it was a credible source for answers. The question that was in his sight, however, made him pale.

 

_I think my boyfriend might be gay, how do I tell him?_

 

He gradually looked over at her, finding that she was avoiding his eyes and staring at the blankets. “Liz?”

 

“Kyle.” She murmured.

 

“Is this a fucking joke?” He questioned, trying to keep himself calm.

 

“I wouldn’t joke about this, Kyle.” She took her phone back, “I’ve gotten some great feedback from a lot of people already,”

 

“ALREADY?” He finally exploded. “You mean while I’m in the bathroom you fucking post my fucking business for everyone to see and it’s so popular that you have you answers?”

 

Elizabeth smacked his shoulder, “Calm down!” She responded just as loudly. “This wasn’t made today, you asshole!”

 

“I--you--how--” He couldn’t articulate anything at the moment, bewildered. “What makes you think I’m gay?” He cried out finally.

 

“Kyle, you had to call Stan before we had sex.” She reminded him, “I’ve been noticing things, certain behaviors. Every time we’re together, you love to talk about Stan.”

 

“Because he’s my best friend!” His voice was cracking, “You talk about your best friends, I mean Stan and I did a lot of shit together and remembering it all is perfectly fine, he’s an amazing person, you know! You just never really cared all that much to know him.”

 

Elizabeth quirked a brow, “Stan and I talk, Kyle.”

 

“Yes but have you had a _conversation_ with him? Okay, yeah, sure, he can be blunt as a fucking rock and sometimes lacks finesse, but he makes up for it in his passion. He loves animals, and one time he tried to save baby cows from becoming veal, I think that’s his main reason for being vegan and--holy fuck I have a crush on Stan.” He fell back into the bed, covering his face with his hands. “Motherfucking Christ, Liz, I was thinking about him the entire time we tried to--”

 

Elizabeth was surprisingly calm, smiling finally. “I was about to hit you over the head with a sign, but it seems that you’re quicker than I thought.”

 

He groaned, “How long did you know?”

 

She thought about it, “December, I think. You had Stan’s Christmas photo as your iPhone wallpaper.”

 

He chanced to look at her, “He really looked cute in that sweater.” He couldn’t believe he was admitting this. “Why didn’t you say anything before--this?”

 

Elizabeth shifted to lay next to him, “I wasn’t really sure, I kept hoping that I was wrong, but the reality clinched when you insisted on calling him before you launched at me.” She smirked slightly.

 

He groaned again, turning away from her, “I’m a fucking horrible boyfriend, aren’t I?”

 

Elizabeth shrugged, “Don’t tear yourself up about it, Kyle. So you like guys, or Stan, or maybe you’re asexual but have this super best friend complex, it’s not going to bother me. If I were anyone else, maybe I’d be offended, but I’m not.”

 

He sighed, “It’s unsettling how calm you are about it.”

 

“Kyle, I’ve had time to think about it.” She laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Now, it’s your turn.”

 

He shut his eyes, “What are my parents going to say? They--fuck, they wanted me to go all the way with you--which was horrifying.”

 

She chuckled at that, “No wonder you were so uptight tonight, if my dad did that I would have ran for the hills.” She moved to hug him from behind. “You don’t have to tell anyone, Kyle. You don't owe anyone an apology for not liking girls, and depending on who you tell - if they don’t like it then they can fuck off.”

 

They continued talking into the night, only stopping when they realized that it was noon. Kyle took Elizabeth out for coffee, still shocked that she wasn’t bothered by this outcome in any way.

 

He continued talking to her about it, even after the mutual breakup. His parents were devastated, and Ike challenged Kyle by offering to be her rebound guy. He kept the real reasons they broke up to himself, asking her help when it came time for him to come out to his friends. It was April when he decided to tell Kenny, who wasn’t shocked in the slightest, meanwhile Cartman guessed it before Kyle could say anything, claiming it was because he was pretty much gay ever since grade school and how Cartman thought Stan and Kyle would end up in a torrid love affair in their Senior Year after Stan broke up with Wendy _again_. The hardest person to come out to was Stan himself, because if anyone was slow to the game it was his super best friend. Kyle asked Elizabeth to help him, and she had to remind him that he didn’t have to express his feelings towards Stan, as that could come out some other time. He half-expected the worst, but ended up crying on Stan’s shoulder when he realized his super best friend hadn’t dropped him for being gay.

 

Kyle couldn’t really tell Stan that his attraction to guys only revolved around one certain guy in a red poof ball hat, but he’d give that secret some time. After all, that’s all that they had, time.


End file.
